Teacher refuses to teach husband's 13-year-old niece after she repeatedly misses class, family blames her: 'I'm expected to compensate.'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jun 2, 2026 11:15 AM EDT

Should this teacher go easy on her husband's 13-year-old niece after a string of cancelled classes and missed payments?

Mixing work and family is a risky move, as this teacher is just now finding out. 

Who doesn't love a family discount? And who doesn't love spending time with those they hold near and dear?

In theory, working with your family members should guarantee everyone involved a good time. But more often than not, the plan just doesn't work out that way. 

Instead, as this teacher explained, the family is kind of taking advantage of her niceness. 

They're not respecting her work schedule. Instead, the teen keeps cancelling randomly. But since they're family, the teen thinks she shouldn't have to abide by the rules. 24-hour cancellation fee? Not for her. 

Now, this teacher is stuck in a predicament, as she shared in a story to r/amithea--hole.

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  • English teacher works with a 13-year-old student, as depicted by models.
    via Getty Images

    English teacher works with a 13-year-old student, as depicted by models.

  • AITA for removing my husband’s niece’s fixed English lesson slot and refusing to chase her mother about missed lessons?

    I'm an English teacher living in Italy. I understand that family/work boundaries can be more informal here, and I'm open to the possibility that I'm not integrating perfectly. Still, I need basic boundaries around my work.
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • I agreed to teach my husband's 13-year-old niece after family pressure, even though I had reservations about mixing family and work. She gets a family discount, which is fine. The issue is the arrangement.
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • Teacher high-fives her 13-year-old client, as depicted by models.
    via Getty Images

    Teacher high-fives her 13-year-old client, as depicted by models.

  • With my regular students, payment and scheduling are clear: they buy a package or pay lesson by lesson, and I have a 24- hour cancellation policy. With her, payment has been informal: random amounts through another family member every few
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • months. That makes it hard to track lessons, cancellations, and what is owed. There has also been a pattern of late cancellations and unclear scheduling. I've repeatedly had to
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • message her to confirm whether she was coming because I anticipated last-minute cancellations. I've told her more than once that I need notice so I can organize my schedule and possibly offer the slot to another student.
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • Bustling Italian waterway with surrounding city buildings, as shown in a representative photo.
    via Dan Novac

    Bustling Italian waterway with surrounding city buildings, as shown in a representative photo.

  • Her mother wants her to be responsible for handling her own lessons. and scheduling. My issue is that when this becomes messy, I'm expected to compensate.
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • As far as I know, her mother never told me to report every cancellation to her. If the parents allow a 13-year-old to manage scheduling directly with me, I think they are responsible for checking what is going on.
    via LadyMurasaki1982

  • Expecting a teen, especially a 13-year-old, to stick to a schedule on their own volition is just asking for trouble. She probably isn't thrilled about having to go to a class, most kids aren't crazy about school work. If she realizes she can cancel without being penalized, she will. And now that she sees that her teacher can't punish her without causing some family awkwardness, it's just going to continue.

  • Student and teacher bond over lessons, as represented by 2 subjects.
    via Getty Images

    Student and teacher bond over lessons, as represented by 2 subjects.

  • Yesterday, my husband made a joke to his mother saying something like, "My wife hates |\___ \____|\___". He says it was obviously a joke, but I felt put on the spot and was offended, so I tried to explain. His family says I'm too sensitive about
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • everything. The joke led to an argument. My husband and MIL said they suspect the girl may be lying to her mother or saying I canceled lessons. They said I should have contacted her mother earlier. I said I don't want
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • Gondolas float through city in Italy, in a depiction with models.
    via Damiano Baschiera

    Gondolas float through city in Italy, in a depiction with models.

  • to be the intermediary between a 13-year-old and her mother. If the parents suspect their child is lying, I believe that is their responsibility to check.
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • After repeated late cancellations, I told the girl I could no longer keep a fixed weekly slot for her. Lessons would need to be scheduled week by week, depending on availability.
    via LadyMurasaki1982
  • I also said that if I continue teaching her, they can keep the family discount, but the arrangement must be like my other lessons: either buy a package, with late cancellations counted under my 24-hour policy, or pay lesson by lesson.
    via LadyMurasaki1982

    This all seems totally reasonable. She could have them buy a package, and that way, if the teen doesn't show up for one of her 10-pack of classes, the teacher has still gotten paid for her time. 

  • My husband says this is excessive and too formal. I feel the "flexibility" benefits everyone else while I absorb lost time, unclear payment, repeated chasing, and family drama. AITA?
    via LadyMurasaki1982

  • People didn't blame this teacher one bit, and offered her some great pieces of advice for dealing with the 13-year-old and the rest of the fam

    oldleolady71 Then any cancellation where you lose money he can cover. He'll get on his sister quick if it affects his wallet. NTA
    via oldleolady71

  • This person wants the husband to stand up for his wife already

    JipC1963 NTA Your husband's unfair expectations and extreme lack of support is infuriating and massively disrespectful. This is HIS Niece, HE should be the one addressing the lack
    via JipC1963
  • of basic respect for your time, talents and energy. Instead, he basically threw you under the bus to his family as the "sacrificial lamb." I also think pretty strongly that your in- laws expected you to
    via JipC1963

  • The solution might be this

    teach his Niece for FREE! Frankly, I would tell him that you're NOT going to teach HIS family ever again.
    via JipC1963

    A refusal to teach the niece might seem harsh in the moment, but she'll get over it, and so will the family. And if anything, it might save the family relationship from further damage. This teacher will only grow more resentful of the situation the longer it progresses, so stepping back now is a solid choice.

  • And it's outrageous that your SIL is making a THIRTEEN-year-old responsible for scheduling. It's fine to give her responsibility but it should be a "managed" or
    via JipC1963
  • directed (by her Parent) responsibility. Young teenagers can be notoriously flaky. I would firmly urge you to sit down and have a serious conversation with
    via JipC1963
  • your husband about his blatant disrespect for you. This is about much more than a flaky teenager. If your SIL was the one paying for your time, I think she'd be VERY aware of her
    via JipC1963
  • Daughter's schedule and attendance. You may even want to have a normal "Parent-Teacher Conference" to discuss her progress as well as BOTH of their obvious indifference for your
    via JipC1963

    Framing it as a parent-teacher conference is also a brilliant idea. That way, it's not an aunt-vs-niece conversation, it's a collaborative conversation between the teacher and a parent. It's all about the framing. 

  • time. Greatest of luck!
    via JipC1963

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